A Developer’s View On Love
Lately I have seen a trend among my age group of friends. The trend centers around love and relationships. I see break ups, make ups, heart breaks you name it, I see it all the time. I have had people lately asking me “Orlando, I am done with dating” or “Orlando that spark is gone.” and so on and so forth.
I often find myself asking why do people come to me. I am no love expert, I mean, I haven’t been in a real relationship in many years. I have dated but that doesn’t count, I have enough trouble just getting to a third date with someone. And if I do get into a relationship with someone eventually that girl I am with will cheat on me. Happened many times over and over again.
So how does this make me an expert? Its not cause I am a “nice guy” or as so many girls have said a “great guy” I think its because I look at things realistically now more than ever. I guess being a web developer I analyze everything. I think 20 moves ahead but I do try to keep my feet firmly planted in reality. I guess that’s why I always try to look at everything with a brutal truth to it all, or as someone said I accept the fate or the outcome and move on.
Recently I found out my big ex got a boyfriend, now given time and life it is a eventual thing would happen. Finding someone new, it happens all the time. To all the exes before her. When I look back on things with the ideology I have now vs then. I realize that things aren’t meant to be. People ask if I miss her? Truth be told, I miss all of my exes but as all things its for the better that things ended. Am I friends with some of them? Of course! But most recently, when my spinal surgery happened and I wondered if I would make it out that’s when life took a big turn to a surprise.
Many numbers flashed across my phone days before and after my surgery. Several of my exes contacted me. Told me they had heard what had happened to me and apologized and or wished me well. Now I know what you are thinking? Whats this gotta do about love? Well talking to them made me realize that I don’t think I was at a point in my life where I could actually love someone. Cause frankly, my love has evolved or more of the “idea” of it. Before lets be honest, we all use to be happy when we “clicked” with someone but now due to the fact that I am a little older a little wise since my last relationship. I really expect more than just clicking with someone. I like to know someone has a plan, they are trustworthy, dependable, ambitious, have goals. Drive themselves to be a better person cause we use to let that slide but being older…ain’t nobody got time for laziness.
I think where I am going with all of this is that love evolves, our goals, our hopes and our willingness to go towards someone that we want to be with. Love isn’t just a feeling, its a emotion you show, and as we get older we know that it takes more time and effort and showing love becomes easier for some and others as well. I often get asked why I do nice things “naturally” well its cause it just comes naturally nowadays, I set aside the macho manness and focus on being a decent human being. Sending her flowers? Done! Helping her with a work project? YUP!
In closing, I get asked why am I single? I have been out on dates but there isn’t a chemistry to it all, and first impressions mean a lot and as I get to know someone, there comes the realization that it won’t work out and instead of wasting someones time I just tell them it won’t work. I usually view such a thing very fast. No I ain’t looking to date a European glamour model, but when there are certain red flags, I tend to not want to move forward. Or even minor flags for that matter. I know that through all of the BS, this whole love and relationship stuff I have been put through over the years will eventually come to a close and I will meet the girl I am destined to be with…but until then…VIDEO GAMES!
See you space cowboy…