Why Do We Fall?

leftovers.0.0

Just coming in under the wire I suppose, every year I write a blog about what happened, some of it good and some of it bad but mostly good. This year however was a year of many trials and fall after fall after fall. This year was definitely a year that pushed me beyond my limit.  You truly don’t know how far you can go and how much you can be pushed till you have gone beyond your limit.

Back in May, I had apparently done something to my spine and crushed the nerves around my neck area which involved getting a surgery. Still to this day it still freaks me out that I have metal in my spine. I still have the scar adn it reminds me that I am human. But even with the surgery I will have pains and tremors in my hand. Some people have noticed them and others haven’t, but mostly it is something that is very very annoying.I currently am in physical therapy and have a few more classes and many more months of recovery and I can’t push myself, I also have been told I have to limit myself, no more roller coasters, nothing that can cause whiplash otherwise well…lets just say it won’t be fun.

Another thing that has happened is this year I was diagnosed with depression. Something that has always been a stigma, I went and talked to a therapist, a few doctors and the conclusion was that I had developed depression as well as insomnia. I know I was having trouble sleeping since the surgery. How little? Well I will go to sleep or try to sleep and just sometimes it doesn’t happen. I would just lay there in the dark, its one of those things where you can’t fall asleep and this have been going on for months. Doctors would say this could be what is causing the depression, lack of sleep, constant anxiety and stress and most of all just always being tired and never feeling well.

Most of you all know that I have stomach issues, well recently they have gotten worst which knowing the way health is, everything is interconnected. It is believed that this stress, and depression is leading me down a road that is without a doubt pushing me beyond my limit of sanity. Always having this pain like someone is stabbing me in the gut which is due to my stomach issues or the pain in my neck and the sometimes tremors and nerve pain that crops up from time to time its definitely something or the constant stress headaches. It takes a toll on someone.

What happens now? Well due to the over whelming support from family and friends, they surely do help with keeping me going. Knowing that this is just a chapter of my life and I do plan on writing about depression and what it is like developing with it and what I go through very soon but I want to make it right. Now finally sometimes things always surprise us, you take a left and you run into someone who changes your life forever and it proves that there is light at the end of the tunnel. This year definitely tested me as a individual and a developer and I am having to relearn everything as a developer cause I feel like I lost my edge and have to relearn everything. I know people tell me I am a great developer but sometimes I have trouble believing it or seeing it cause when you feel like you lost your edge it is just hard to do anything.

For everyone who wished me a happy birthday, I thank you for that, I did enjoy going to my high school reunion and seeing everyone and having support from friends and family to help me get through it all. It was definitely a tough year and a tough one but I believe I will be coming out of the darkness and moving towards the light. But its not all bad news, I have made many new friends this year and who are constantly taking care of me and checking up on me. I also met someone who really does help me through it all and she really tries to make sure I am happy and I am very glad I have met her cause without her it would have been a lot tougher fall.

But in other news, I have learned analytics this year, data analysis on the who what where and why of the Internet. Pretty intense stuff I do find myself being a lot happier with data development over web which is weird cause I use to hate Email marketing and SEO analytics but lately I am quite enjoying it and I did love getting rid of ALL excess computer stuff now I just have a surface pro 3 and it honestly feels great just having this thing and a dock. No more cords! Why didn’t I get the pro 4 you ask? Well oddly enough it’s missing the window key, and also my dad already had some accessories and I thought the 3 was a great size didn’t need to go any bigger. I also got a Mac from work and yes I do use it l. Gotta use both! 

For everyone who reads this, thank you for reaching out to me, I know its been a crazy year but I bet next year will be better cause as misfortune comes in threes so does fortune. Everything will change for the better for the next year I can feel it. Also yes for the record I did switch to an iPhone but don’t worry I will be getting a windows phone soon.
See you space cowboy…

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