Developing With Depression

I had slightly mentioned this in the past, but last year I was diagnosed with depression. It isn’t something easy to come to terms with when you are labeled as having depression. People tend to treat you differently or say things such as “can’t you just make yourself happy”. Its doesn’t work like that. There is more to it than that, I was diagnosed with depression due to stress. A lot was going on, and it just all started to weigh on me. I felt like I was in a pit that I couldn’t get out of. I couldn’t sleep, eat, or focus, and I always got frustrated very easily.

Depression is not a easy thing to aknowledge, it isn’t something people want to hear. However, more and more these days, people are being diagnosed with depression, and according to the World Health Organization (WHO), 350 million people have depression. Also according to the CDC, 1 in 20 Americans will develop depression.

What was it like programming with depression, well to put it simply it was like the story of Sisyphus, the story of the man who was condemned to push a boulder to the top of the hill for all eternity. Now why is this important? Well I felt like everything was impossible. Building a website, nothing was sticking, I didn’t find solitude in video games or reading. I never slept and wasn’t hungry. And if I got fired from my job I honestly didn’t care. For lack of a better term, I had a very short fuse, having a detachment from anyone and everyone. Overall I saw a general decline of all things in my life. It was rather tough knowing that I was dug in a hole that I decided to stop trying to climb out of. I honestly came to the end of what I thought would be my coding career, nothing was sticking mentally and focusing was insane.

There is an upside to this story, how does one rise. Well truth be told what you can do is talk to someone about it, seeking help. Hiding it just makes it worst, and if you know someone with depression remind them that you are here to listen and to help. A lot of people will walk past their friends and they might assume everything is fine. But sometimes asking, really asking could be the difference. And if someone reaches out to you do not be afraid.

When it comes to how I handle it, talking to someone or people and seeking help is the biggest thing you can do. Remember you are not alone.

see you space cowboy…

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